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Background: This was the school year that Duke's basketball team had a losing season. They lost to Clemson twice that year.

Over the course of the semester, my next-door-neighbor Bob was a consistent source of good ideas.

Long story short, one of the reasons Bob chose to go to Duke was because his then-girlfriend was planning to go to another college in the same state. But it was far enough away that they never saw each other, and the relationship ended.

Then, one day, Bob gets an email. It's lengthy, but gets to a point where the set up is just like the above...